im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
