I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
