Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
