If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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