Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
