why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
