I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
