I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
