before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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