He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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