It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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