Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
