I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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