i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
