what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
