You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Randomize
