So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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