one two three fourrrrnication!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
