He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
