yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
