oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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