I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
