On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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