I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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