You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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