Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
