I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
