Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize