make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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