I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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