I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
