I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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