he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
