I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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