That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
