i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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