What did we do last night that was yellow?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize