I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
