if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
