I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
