After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
