I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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