Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
