Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
