He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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