He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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