I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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