I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
