Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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