I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
