That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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