just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize