I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
