hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
