How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
