i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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