I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
