dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
