youre lurking in front of me
I just saw a hot homeless man
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
