Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
