I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
