So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Found your dick twin last night
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
