So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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