Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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