You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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