Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
