5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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