I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
