Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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