I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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