Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
