I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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