Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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